Midnights

When all goes quiet,

and the streetlights talk to each other, 

I dream of kissing you. 

You are a refuge, 

the part of you—that only exists within me,

I talk to you, 

with the dancing of my lips,

I hold you close in this silence, 

for when the sun comes up, 

the hours slip away, 

and I see you, 

you remind me, 

that it is only when I'm alone,

do I kiss you. 

Last night, 

he whispered into my ears, 

how I'd be his,

and suddenly you were there, 

the way you were that evening, 

as I watched you before the ocean that separates us.

He asked me to say his name, 

and I had to let a part of myself die,

because I almost said yours. 

I listened, I heard,

but I only saw you.

After all this time, 

with all your indifference and my pride, 

it is still you. 

I can only be furious with myself.

I think it is terrifying, 

how easily I lie,

how easily I walk away, 

like I haven't anchored myself to you.

Ask me,

if I think of being imprisoned in your arms, 

if it is your name that claims my tongue,

if I am wearing your clothes when my eyes shut down, 

white, blue, purple, blue, blue 

ask me, 

and I will trace your bones onto mine.

ask me,

and I will look into your eyes, 

memorize your eyelashes,

bathe in your irides,

drown in the darkness where they end,

ask me, 

and I will say, 

No.